Naij.com’s guest author Abdulbaqi Jari says he has figured out one of the main causes of failed relationships and subsequent heartbreak.
Let me start by confessing that I am just two and a half decades old. I am a graduate but still a student. I had unsuccessful relationships before, perhaps three or four. Some of my friends say I am “not hot”, I am “not a man”. Some of them have had over ten girlfriends. They sometimes call me a preacher: they say I use the social media to preach while they use them to date. But the one thing that I’ve learned and will use to my advantage. I’ve figured out the major reason why most courtships failed. That simple reason is time.
According to the Scripture, one is not allowed to talk to a girl without her father’s consent. Nowadays, even in the most conservative societies of the world like the Hausas, that trend has changed significantly due to the advent of the social media. In most social networks, one is free to create an account once they are thirteen. It is entirely possible for children as young as 13 to start “dating”. Although first love is usually very sweet, it can also bear rather dangerous consequences. The extent of mutual involvement of the young lovers would go as far as them promising to marry each other. Over the years of courtship, the girl would trust the guy with her dignity, and sometimes the pair would be reckless enough to give birth to an illegitimate child. Their love would continue for a short while… before they eventually separate.
The cause of separation is time. Prolonged courtships of over five years do not normally end in marriage. Even if there is marriage, it is a high possibility of it not lasting long. This is because the longtime partners/lovers become tired of each other. Both those who engage in an illegal carnal relationship and those who decide to “wait” tend to start feeling bored, like their partner can give the nothing new.
If the girls knew this secret, they would not want or even dare to get together with anyone until there is parents-to-parents agreement of marriage between their children. The girls are the ones at the receiving end of the prolonged relationship. The male partner can easily take advantage of her and then just run away. When somebody talks to him about his ex-girlfriend, he says she is “old” and he needs “new blood”. Of course, she will feel betrayed, cry all night long and, in the long run, this will turn her to a disheartened and bitter person.
But, surely, not all “runaway” male traitors enjoy a happy married life. They continue to remember that one girl they’d betrayed, and regret what they’d done. They would often complain about and to their wives, comparing them to their previous girlfriends. Nemesis, too, catches up with them often. In addition, the “betrayers” in general are prone to suspicion. And when you are doubting your spouse, your children and/or friends, how can you enjoy a happy married life?
Young men and women, open your eyes well- well. Before you dive into another relationship, make sure you stay put with your books and never let anything distract you.
Do you believe prolonged courtship that precedes marriage could be the reason for so many unhappy relationships? Share your thoughts and opinions by commenting, submit your own articles to info@naij.com.
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