Dayo and Kehinde with their triplets
| credits: File copy
| credits: File copy
Infertility
could be one of the biggest challenges in any relationship. Though it
affects a marriage differently from couple to couple, there are lessons
to learn for your marriage to stay strong when faced with such a
challenge
Never give up
The number of years notwithstanding, you
can overcome this challenge of infertility and have your babies. Visit
your doctors, pray and have hope. For some couples, dealing with the
challenges of infertility can be a very difficult emotional experience,
so it is important to have a good support system in place while
undergoing any treatment. Discussing your feelings about infertility
with your partner, friends, and family can be a huge help. Also, seek
support groups, where couples meet others with similar reproductive
challenges.
Our triplets came after 17 years
Communication is very important in a
marriage at all times but even more so when you are dealing with
infertility. Discuss what exactly you want to do about your infertility
problem. How far are the both of you willing to go in trying to obtain
your goal of a child?
Kehinde: I was always having
miscarriages and had like four corrective surgeries, among which was
that of fibroid. Really, there were times I gave up and concluded that I
would never have children of my own. There was a time I told my husband
to get another wife but he just walked away without any answer.
Ironically, after a day or two, I would go back to God and tell Him that
I was not ready to let go. I had some fertility treatments and even
assisted reproduction but all failed. It was the last IVF, which my
doctor forced me to have, that God approved. A set of triplet (two girls
and a boy) came 17 years after we were married.
Dayo: Whenever she was in such
moods, I didn’t mind her and I made her realise that I never wanted any
woman except her to have my babies. We were two in this travail and
getting another wife was out of it
—Dayo and Kehinde Olagunju
We waited for five years
Once you have jointly come to a decision
about how you want to handle your infertility, then stick together on
that decision. It helps as you weather the storm as one.
Emeka: Anxiety about having
children in a marriage, for people who desire it, is not peculiar to
African men or women, it’s universal. We have had our fair share of
challenges but we have overcome with God’s help and love for each other.
Jumai: Surprisingly, for five
years there was no pressure from both families. Rather, we put the
pressure on ourselves because we both love kids and we wanted them
badly. Eventually, after five years, I got pregnant and was delivered of
a set of twins, a boy and a girl
— Emeka and Jumai Ossai
It took us 12 years
Always be on the lookout for how
infertility is affecting your marriage and if something goes wrong,
correct it immediately. Keep in mind that you and your spouse love each
other and don’t let your desire to have a child outweigh the love you
have between the two of you.
Moses: My faith never shook
because marriage isn’t just about having children. It is first about
companionship, where you have a real relationship. Children are
additional blessings. If you aren’t in love first or the companionship
isn’t there, then if the children aren’t coming after three or four
years of marriage, it will definitely pack up. There were relatives who
kept pestering but the good thing is that I don’t live with them.
Nneka: My husband has proven to
me over time that I can trust him and once you can trust someone, you
can do anything for that person. He makes me feel confident, like I am
the best woman in the world. When I was pregnant, I didn’t even know
for three months. It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t menstruated
in a while. I eventually did a pregnancy test and it came out positive!
The baby boy came 12 years after we got married
—Isaac and Nneka Moses.
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