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Sunday 25 August 2013

Fruits of love



Dayo and Kehinde with their triplets
Infertility could be one of the biggest challenges in any relationship. Though it affects a marriage differently from couple to couple, there are lessons to learn for your marriage to stay strong when faced with such a challenge
Never give up
The number of years notwithstanding, you can overcome this challenge of infertility and have your babies. Visit your doctors, pray and have hope. For some couples, dealing with the challenges of infertility can be a very difficult emotional experience, so it is important to have a good support system in place while undergoing any treatment. Discussing your feelings about infertility with your partner, friends, and family can be a huge help. Also, seek support groups, where couples meet others with similar reproductive challenges.
Our triplets came after 17 years
Communication is very important in a marriage at all times but even more so when you are dealing with infertility. Discuss what exactly you want to do about your infertility problem. How far are the both of you willing to go in trying to obtain your goal of a child?
Kehinde: I was always having miscarriages and had like four corrective surgeries, among which was that of fibroid. Really, there were times I gave up and concluded that I would never have children of my own. There was a time I told my husband to get another wife but he just walked away without any answer. Ironically, after a day or two, I would go back to God and tell Him that I was not ready to let go. I had some fertility treatments and even assisted reproduction but all failed. It was the last IVF, which my doctor forced me to have, that God approved. A set of triplet (two girls and a boy) came 17 years after we were married.
Dayo: Whenever she was in such moods, I didn’t mind her and I made her realise that I never wanted any woman except her to have my babies. We were two in this travail and getting another wife was out of it
—Dayo and Kehinde Olagunju
We waited for five years
Once you have jointly come to a decision about how you want to handle your infertility, then stick together on that decision. It helps as you weather the storm as one.
Emeka: Anxiety about having children in a marriage, for people who desire it, is not peculiar to African men or women, it’s universal. We have had our fair share of challenges but we have overcome with God’s help and love for each other.
Jumai:  Surprisingly, for five years there was no pressure from both families. Rather, we put the pressure on ourselves because we both love kids and we wanted them badly. Eventually, after five years, I got pregnant and was delivered of a set of twins, a boy and a girl
— Emeka and Jumai Ossai
It took us 12 years
Always be on the lookout for how infertility is affecting your marriage and if something goes wrong, correct it immediately. Keep in mind that you and your spouse love each other and don’t let your desire to have a child outweigh the love you have between the two of you.
Moses: My faith never shook because marriage isn’t just about having children. It is first about companionship, where you have a real relationship. Children are additional blessings. If you aren’t in love first or the companionship isn’t there, then if the children aren’t coming after three or four years of marriage, it will definitely pack up. There were relatives who kept pestering but the good thing is that I don’t live with them.
Nneka: My husband has proven to me over time that I can trust him and once you can trust someone, you can do anything for that person. He makes me feel confident, like I am the best woman in the world.  When I was pregnant, I didn’t even know for three months. It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t menstruated in a while. I eventually did a pregnancy test and it came out positive! The baby boy came 12 years after we got married
—Isaac and Nneka Moses.

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