APRIL 4, 2015 : ‘NONYE BEN-NWANKWO
Funmi Tejuoso
Mrs. Funmilayo Tejuoso, a member of the Lagos State House of Assembly, tells ‘Nonye Ben-Nwankwo how she combines politics and her home
How do you feel at 50?
I feel good. I am glad I have turned 50. I feel God has been good to me. I have always wanted to be 50 because people say I look younger than my age, so I want them to know that I am 50.
But most ladies always want to reduce or hide their ages?
I feel that in life as God blesses you and elevates you, you must appreciate Him. For those that hide their ages, I don’t do that. I have my birth certificate to prove my age and I am proud of it. I thank God for keeping me till today and I pray that He keeps me for a longer time so that I would live to see my grand children. When I am 80, I would also be excited.
But don’t you feel regret at times for joining politics?
I wouldn’t say so because I didn’t plan to be a politician. I am a legal practitioner and I had been practising for so many years even before I joined politics. Basically, I enjoy politics and the reason I do so is that people, especially in Mushin (Lagos) constituency, appreciate what I do. They show me love and they support me. I derive satisfaction and I am also able to help people on a larger scale. If I remained in the private sector, I might not have been able to touch a good number of lives that I have touched since I joined politics. I don’t regret it at all.
Don’t you think your husband is tired of this public life and would want you to come back home?
He has not said that. My husband and I are very open to each other. If he wanted that, he would tell me. When I first started in politics, I used to be Funmi Smith-Tejuoso. I had attached my father’s name before my husband’s name. But my husband didn’t want it. He said I was his wife and my father had given me to him. I abided by his wishes. If he had wanted me to stay at home, he would have told me. He married a professional. He didn’t marry somebody who was at home or who was a trader. He married a lawyer. He has always encouraged me. He supports me so much that I know I cannot fall.
Doesn’t he want you to prepare his meal?
Sometimes, he wants me to be the one to prepare his meal. But I cannot do it all the time, I have to be sincere. But I try to do it when I am at home so that he can feel it. Even my children also want me to cook for them and I try to indulge them too. We work as a family. We are strong together.
But is it really easy running the home and family as a politician?
It is not easy. But God is faithful. I don’t like to deceive people. If I tell you it has been easy, then I would be lying. It is not easy serving your people and your home. You have to balance it. Sometimes one takes precedence over the other. But as much as possible, don’t let one feel the other is making it lose out. Don’t let your family feel you don’t have time for them. You have to juggle it. Women are good managers. We have been able to manage our homes and our work at the same time. We have to put in that extra time. There is a difference between A and A+. The people who have A+ in their studies don’t have two heads. Continue doing the things you used to do for your husband when you can. You might not get the opportunity to do it all the time but do things that would make him know that he is the man.
Being the Chairman of Finance committee in the House of Assembly, how do your male colleagues cope with it?
They see me as one of the men. They don’t see me as a fragile person. They respect me. People say ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better.’ But that is not the correct saying. To me, what a woman can’t do, can’t be done. I live by that. The committee is the life line of governance and I am doing a good job. This is the first time a woman is taking that position. I thank God. I pray that other women would be able to hold such positions.
It is widely believed, especially in this clime, that women in politics could be loose…
I have always worked as an individual. I have never worked as a ‘woman.’ I have always worked as a human being who is capable of achieving what I want. I don’t get pressured into doing anything. Men would always ask you out. It is up to you to say no. I tell them that is not what I have come to do. With time, they would leave you alone when they realise you don’t have time for such rubbish. You cannot be married and continue to do things that are wrong. Your husband will not respect you and would certainly kick you out of his house. You have to respect yourself. I had a good upbringing. My mother was with my father until she died. He was the only man she knew. That is what I understand as marriage. Marriage is loyalty, discipline and fulfilment. It is caring and sharing. The Bible said that wives should submit to their husbands. I always tell my colleagues that especially when they say I should be submissive to them because I am a woman, I tell them the Bible says I should be submissive to my husband and not to them. I tell them we are colleagues and nothing else. I don’t see what any man would want to give me that I have never seen in my life.
They could give you more money…
My father gave me the best in life. My husband is giving me the best. So what exactly can a man give me?
Are you really saying you still get ‘toasters’?
Ah! Of course! No matter how old you are, men would still ask you out. That is life and it is for you to make your choice. People older than me are still being ‘toasted’. It is left for the woman to respect herself. I have a daughter and I tell her that men would always want to talk to her and I tell her she should not feel sorry for any man. Men don’t have the kind of feeling that a woman has. If you say no to a man, he would go to the next woman immediately. Men have a conquering spirit but women have a nurturing spirit. When a woman is in a relationship, she would want to nurture the relationship. But a man would always want to conquer one relationship and move to the next. You must go into a relationship because you desire it and not because you feel sorry for the man.
Your growing up days must have been great…
Oh yes. My parents were very good to me. My mother was a full time house wife. My mother worked in England to support my father when he was going to medical school. Their agreement was that once he became a medical doctor, he would continue to take care of her for as long as she’s alive and he did that. He made her comfortable and provided everything for her. My mother told us a lot of things when we were growing up. She would insist we looked good in our appearance. She was kind hearted. She helped a lot of people and those people are good to us now. People treat me so well because of my family. We are benefitting from their goodwill.
What of your father?
He did very well. He sent us to the best school. Some people would say they didn’t have this or that when they were growing up. But I don’t want to lie. My parents gave us everything to make life comfortable for us.
Was it your ambition to be a lawyer?
I had wanted to be a medical doctor because my father wanted me to be a medical doctor like him. I used to be very good in science. In America, you have to have a pre-med before the main programme. When I was going through the pre-med, my grades were very good. I still brag about my transcript.
So why didn’t you continue the main course?
I didn’t like the smell of blood. There was a time we were given a dead cat in our anatomy class but I just couldn’t stand the smell of the preservatives to keep the cat from decaying. So I had to tell my dad after the pre-med that I wouldn’t be able to continue. My elder brother is also a medical doctor. So my father suggested I come home and do my one year national youth service and thought I could still go back and do Medicine. But I applied to study Law at the University of Buckingham while I was doing my national youth service. When I got my admission letter, I took it to my dad and I showed him. My elder sisters are also lawyers. My father told me to study Law and come back for Medicine. I told him I would think about it, even though I knew I wouldn’t do that because I would be too old.
But don’t you regret not studying Medicine?
I don’t regret it because I still do not like the sight of blood. I still feel for people when they are sick. I may not make a good doctor because I would be shaky. I like being a lawyer. I thrive in the court.
Why did you come back from abroad when you could have stayed back?
My parents wanted us to come back. I have two siblings who live in America. My parents weren’t too happy they weren’t coming home. When we were finishing, my mother started drumming it into our ears that we should come home. She didn’t want us to live there as well.
At what point did you meet your husband?
I met him when I was still in secondary school. I was in my final year at Queens College, Lagos while he was in Government College, Ibadan. He later came to Igbobi College, Lagos and that was when we met. He was very quiet. He would just keep staring at me and I would always wonder who he was. Later, he would come and talk to me and he made friends with all my cousins and people close to me. I went abroad but he would still call me on the phone. Then he started coming to visit. Whenever I came back to Nigeria, he would also ask me to visit him at home. Then his father asked him about the girl he was always talking to so he had to take me to meet his father. I guess we knew we would marry. We always spoke about marriage and children. Before a man would talk to you about those issues, he would really mean business.
How did you cope with long distance relationship?
It worked for me. He went to University of Lagos while I went to West Virginia University. But we kept in touch and the relationship strived. We are blessed with four kids.
source PUNCH.
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