Gloria Ogunbadejo
| credits: File copy
| credits: File copy
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
If you have self-confidence, you have a
firm belief in your powers, abilities or capacities. And if you don’t,
you might be a perfectly capable, successful person, but one or more
fears may be keeping you from believing in yourself. Some of these fears
might include: fear of not being liked by others, fear of not being
valued by others, fear of criticism, fear of making mistakes and fear of
not living up to others’ expectation of you. Much as we would like to
think we are unique, on the issue of fears, we are all very similar.
Some fears are unusual, but most of our
fears are evolutionary according to the experts and they develop as a
response to situations thought to cause harm, which could be culturally
based (we all know how powerful this can be). If the fears aren’t
innate, we may have picked them up from our parents or by watching a
frightening experience. The higher the person’s perceived threat of
danger, the more frightened the person will be.
According to the Anxiety Disorders
Association of America, 19 million people have specific phobias, such as
crossing bridges or tunnels; 15 million have a social phobia, e.g.
public speaking; and two million have agoraphobia ( which is the fear of
being in public places where there are other people).
According to the experts, more of us are
experiencing anxiety disorders relating to fears and phobias. Much of
the rise in anxiety is related to people feeling less connected with
others and living more unsettled, even unstable, tenuous family lives.
There’s been an increase in divorce and separations, the definition and
parameters of marriage are constantly changing, and there appears to be a
huge reduction or distortion in our collective moral compass. As the
expectations for happiness increase, there is a commensurate decline in
feeling satisfied.
Fear is a painful emotion triggered by
the apprehension of (real or imagined) danger, terror, or displeasure.
It is real or imagined because many of our fears are merely concoctions
of our imagination. But our subconscious mind cannot distinguish between
real images and imagined ones. It will produce the same fear response
throughout the body for both. And then, as you probably know by now,
what you fear is then likely to become your reality.
Once the mind gets the signal that there
is something to fear (whether or not there is in reality), it releases
hormones throughout the body that trigger defensive chemical mechanisms.
This is the ‘fight, flight or fright’ response. This is something we
would have all experienced at some points in our lives.
The physiology/biology of fear is that a
message is sent to your hypothalamus, which is a gland that regulates
the stress response, to be on high alert. Your hypothalamus then sends
out signals preparing you for your response. Almost instantaneously
blood rushes to the centre of your body, increasing your heart rate and
your blood pressure, and then your muscles tense. Your hands and feet
get cold and sweaty, and you’re ready to fight-or flee (unless you are
the incredible hulk or superman, in which case you can take on the whole
world singlehandedly). Fear stimulates chemical releases in the brain
that block thinking and concentration and immobilise you. Fear can make
you completely freeze.
To overcome fear, you must first
identify where and when you learned it. In other words is it rational or
irrational? Either way, it is real to you in your mind and sometimes
once you acknowledge the origin is irrational it becomes easier to
overcome.
Whether your fear is of a past
experience recurring or of something new, the same fear tends to be
relived over and over again until it has reached a point that it is
all-consuming. Fear is not something that can be completely eliminated
as nature has given us the ability to feel it in order to protect us
also. However, due to the same nature and nurture, it can get out of
control, so instead, in these instances, we aim to release it and
replace it with a positive reaction to the very same stimuli. In other
words, think of it as mastering your fear. In order to master your
fear, you must first identify it and get to know it well.
There are some exercises you can try to
help in mastering your fears. Most of the suggestions described are
things that need to be carried out with some commitment and consistency
over a period of time
Give your fear a name and write its
biography. When did it come into your life? Why? Describe the day, if
you recall and/or the circumstances. Often the mere creation and writing
of the story deepens your understanding of your fear and helps you
master it. Remember you cannot master something if you do not know it
well.
The instant an unpleasant thought enters
your mind simply assure yourself that the most powerful experience of
the moment is the relaxation you are feeling. By saying this to
yourself, it is an attempt to instantly change the state you are in. You
are diminishing the power of the fear and its effects on you. You take
yourself mentally to a place of safety and serenity so your body can use
its precious resources on the task at hand rather than overreacting.
‘Courage is resistance to and mastery of fear – not the absence of fear’
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