Does your wife earn more
than you? Do you feel like you need to get another job? Does she get
home later than you do? Did she buy the cars at home and pay for the
children’s school fees? Do you sometimes wish you could just have her
resign her work and just stay at home taking care of the kids? Not to
worry, you are not alone in these thoughts. Most men in your shoes share
similar reservations. While it’s typical to think this way, how should
you then deal with it?
Take the story of
Julius, a schoolteacher who happens to fall in love with a banker. They
soon got married and had children. His wife’s salary was more than his,
making her the breadwinner of the house. She funded their four bedroom
apartment and cars. She even funded vacations and their children’s
school fees. Julius didn’t mind abdicating his natural responsibility as
a breadwinner. In fact, he makes it up by being at home on time, going
through home work with his kids, making sure dinner is ready for his
wife and patiently waiting for her every night till she is back. He
believes if he can’t meet with the financial needs, then he should
compensate in other areas of family life.
Evelyn, on the other
hand, is married to a lawyer whom she met and dated back in the
university. She now works with an oil company and what she earns in a
month is equal to the six months pay of her husband. But that’s how far
her edge over her husband goes. He instructs her to pay all or part of
her salaries into his account every month and gives her an allowance for
the month. She says, it’s not a situation she likes, but after several
rebuffs by her, he threatened her marriage and she had no option but to
give in.
Emma, a medical doctor,
has over the years established himself as a seasoned consultant. His
wife works for a multinational and is equally successful. On the average
she earns well over her husband but he doesn’t mind. He likes ambitious
women and pushes his wife to achieve more. He believes his earnings,
though less than that of his wife is enough to cater for his family. He
takes care of everything in the house, even if it means borrowing; he
will not allow his wife to spend a dime. To him, a man must take charge.
Adelice, an accountant
with one of the top accounting firms in Lagos, is married to a
self-employed businessman. He believes he should be the breadwinner but
can’t turn away from the steady income that comes the way of his wife as
his is far from regular. In fact, when they initially got married, he
almost asked her to resign believing her job may one day make her
insolent. He, however, thanked his stars he didn’t do that. Today, his
wife’s steady income augments his sporadic earnings as they both
contribute to the day-to-day running of their home. He gets to take care
of one off payments like rent, vacation, school fees, etc, while the
wife takes care of consumables like food, fuel, utility bills etc.
Peter and his wife of
two years have had issues dealing with her job. She earns far more than
he does, a situation he hasn’t been able to deal with. To make matters
worse, she regularly comes home late from work. It just didn’t go down
well with his traditional beliefs. “A woman must be under a man no
matter what.” His wife loves him so much and can no longer stand the
incessant quarrels at home. She accepts his instruction to resign since
he can’t find a better paying job. Now they live on his salary.
The above, depicts how
most families deal with this thorny issue. If it were you, who would you
be – Julius, Evelyn, Emma, Adelice, or Peter? Adelice and her husband
seem to be a model middle class couple. A husband and a wife should find
ways to contribute to the family’s finances. It shouldn’t be the sole
responsibility of one person. Women like their men being in charge even
if they earn more. A man is naturally the leader of the house and should
do so not by inertia but by actions. It is important to recognise the
role women now play in modern society and in family building. They
should be encouraged to advance their careers and allowed the
independence to manage their finances. Times have changed such that
behind every successful family is a successful woman.
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