Sharing too many photos on Facebook
AP
If you're the kind of person who shares snapshots of your honeymoon,
cousin's graduation, and dog dressed in a Halloween costume all in
the same day, you might want to stop.
A 2013 study found that posting too many photos on Facebook can hurt your real-life relationships.
"This is because people, other than very close friends and relatives, don't seem to relate well to those who constantly share photos of themselves," lead study author
David Houghton, of Birmingham Business School, said in a release.
Specifically, friends don't like it when you've got too many photos of
family, and relatives don't like it when you've got too many photos
of friends.
Ben Marder, of the University of Edinburgh, also worked on the study,
and warned: "Be cautious when sharing and think how it will be
perceived by all the others who may see it. Although sharing is a
great way to better relationships, it can also damage them."
Having too many or too few Facebook friends
Facebook
In a 2008 study, Michigan State University researchers asked
college students to look at fictional Facebook profiles and decide
how much they liked the profiles' owners.
Results showed that the "sweet spot" for likability was about
300 friends. Likability ratings were lowest when a profile owner
had only about 100 friends, and almost as low when they had more
than 300 friends.
As for why 300-plus friends could be a turn-off, the study authors
write, "Individuals with too many friends may appear to be focusing
too much on Facebook, friending out of desperation rather than
popularity."
On the other hand, the college students doing the evaluation each
had about 300 Facebook friends themselves. So the researchers
acknowledge that in a population where the most common number
of Facebook friends is 1,000, the sweet spot for likability could be 1,000.
Keep in mind, though, that a 2014 survey found that the average
number of Facebook friends among adult users was 338.
Interestingly, the study also suggested that participants weren't
consciously aware that they liked people less when they had too
many or too few Facebook friends.
Disclosing something extremely personal early on in
a relationship
In general, people like each other more after they've traded confidences.
Self-disclosure is one of the best ways to make friends as an adult.
But psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate— say,
that your sister is having an extramarital affair — while you're still
getting to know someone can make you seem insecure and decrease
your likability.
The key is to get just the right amount of personal. As a 2013 study
led by Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests, simply
sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood
memories can make you seem warmer and more likable.
Asking someone questions without talking about
yourself at all
That same 2013 study by Sprecher found an important caveat to
the idea that self-disclosure predicts closeness: It has to be mutual.
People generally like you less if you don't reciprocate when they
disclose something intimate.
In the study, unacquainted participants either engaged in
back-and-forth self-disclosure or took turns self-disclosing
for 12 minutes each while the other listened. Results showed
that participants in the back-and-forth group liked each other
significantly more.
As the authors write, "Although shy or socially anxious people
may ask questions of the other to detract attention from themselves,
our research shows that this is not a good strategy for relationship
initiation. Both participants in an interaction need to disclose
to generate mutual closeness and liking."
Posting a close-up profile photo
If your LinkedIn profile features an image of your face practically
smushed up against the camera, you'd be wise to change it.
that faces photographed from just 45 centimeters —
about 1.5 feet — away are considered less trustworthy, attractive,
and competent than faces photographed from 135 centimeters, about 4.5 feet, away.
Hiding your emotions
Research suggests that letting your real feelings come through
is a better strategy for getting people to like you than bottling
it all up.
In one 2016 study, University of Oregon researchers videotaped
people watching two movie scenes: the fake-orgasm part of the
movie "When Harry Met Sally" and a sad scene from "The Champ."
In some cases, the actors were instructed to react naturally; in
another they were instructed to suppress their emotions.
College students then watched the four versions of the videos.
Researchers measured how much interest the students expressed
in befriending the people in the videos, as well as their assessments
of the personalities of the people in the videos.
Results showed that suppressors were judged less likable —
as well as less extroverted and agreeable — than people who
emoted naturally.
The researchers write: "People … do not pursue close relationships
indiscriminately — they probably look for people who are likely
to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that
someone is hiding their emotions, they may interpret that as a
disinterest in the things that emotional expression facilitates —
closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination."
Acting too nice
It makes logical sense that the nicer and more altruistic you seem,
the more people will like you. But some science suggests otherwise.
In a 2010 study, researchers at Washington State University and
the Desert Research Institute had college students play a computer
game with four other players, who were really manipulations by
the researchers.
Here's how one of the study authors explained the study procedure
"Each participant was placed in a five-person group, but did
not see its other members. Each was given endowments that
hey could in their turn choose to keep or return, in whole or in
part. There was some incentive to maximize one's holdings, but
not an obvious one.
"(The participants were told that, at the end of the semester, a
random drawing of their names would be held and those few
who were chosen would have their holdings converted to Dining
Services coupons redeemable at campus eateries.)"
Some of the fake participants would give up lots of points and only
take a few vouchers — a rather altruistic behavior. As it turns out,
most participants said they wouldn't want to work with their
unselfish teammate again.
In a similar, follow-up experiment in the same study, some said
the unselfish teammate made them look bad; others suspected
they had ulterior motives.
Humblebragging
In an effort to impress friends and potential employers,
some people disguise bragging as self-criticism. This behavior,
otherwise known as "humblebragging," could be a turn-off,
according to a study from Harvard Business School.
In the study, college students were asked to write down how
they'd answer a question about their biggest weakness in a job
interview. Results showed that more than three-quarters of
participants humblebragged, usually about being a perfectionist
or working too hard.
Yet independent research assistants said they'd be more likely to
hire the participants who were honest, and found them
significantly more likable. Those students said things like, "
I'm not always the best at staying organized" and "Sometimes
I overreact to situations."
Another alternative in a job-interview situation is to talk about
weaknesses that don't directly relate to the position — for example,
a fear of public speaking if you're applying for a writing position.
Getting too nervous
Bloomberg/Getty
Never let 'em see — or smell — you sweat. Research suggests
that the odor of your nervous sweat may subconsciously influence
people's judgments of your personality.
In 2013, researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center had
participants watch videos of women in everyday situations, like
working in an office and taking care of a child. While watching the
videos, they sniffed three kinds of sweat: sweat that someone had
produced while exercising, sweat produced during a stressful
situation, and sweat produced during a stressful situation that
had been covered up with antiperspirant.
Participants were then asked to rate the women on how competent,
confident, and trustworthy they seemed.
Results showed that participants rated the women lower on all
measures when they smelled the stress-induced sweat. When
they smelled the stress sweat that had been covered up with
antiperspirant, they rated the women more positively.
Not smiling
When you're at a networking event and meeting lots of new people,
it can be hard to keep a smile plastered on your face. Try anyway.
In a University of Wyoming study, nearly 100 undergraduate
women looked at photos of another woman in one of four
poses: smiling in an open body position, smiling in a closed
body position, not smiling in an open body position, or not
smiling in a closed body position. Results showed that the
woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling,
regardless of her body position.
More recently, researchers at Stanford University and the
University of Duisburg-Essenfound that students who interacted
with each other through avatars felt more positively about the
interaction when the avatar displayed a bigger smile.
Bonus: Another study found that smiling when you first meet
someone helps ensure that they'll remember you later.
Including a smiling emoticon in an email
Here's where things get confusing. Even though smiling in person
can make you more likeable, research suggests smiling virtually
can work to your detriment— especially in more formal settings.
A 2017 paper published by researchers in Israel and the Netherlands
found that including smiling emoticons in an email makes you seem
less competent — and doesn't even make you seem warmer.
In the first of a series of studies, participants read an email that
included either just text or text plus a smiley. The email was
written by a hypothetical project teammate. Results showed that
the hypothetical teammate was perceived as only slightly warmer
and as significantly less competent when the person included a smiley.
Having a hard-to-pronounce name
We know: This one's really not fair.
But here's the science: A 2012 study, by researchers at the
University of Melbourne, the University of Leuven, and New
York University, found that people with more complicated last
names are judged more negatively.
In one experiment included in the study, undergraduate participants
read a mock newspaper article about a man running for an upcoming
local council election. Some participants read about a man with a
relatively easy-to-pronounce last name (Lazaridis or Paradowska);
others read about a man with a harder-to-pronounce name
(Vougiouklakis and Leszczynska).
As it turns out, participants who'd read about the man with
the simpler name said that candidate was a better fit for the
government position than participants who'd read about the man
with the more complicated name.
Name-dropping
Getty Images
It can be tempting to mention that famous author who
graduated from your alma mater in order to impress your
conversation partner. But the tactic can backfire.
That's according to researchers at the University of Zurich.
In 2009, they published a paper suggesting that name-dropping
makes people seem both less likable and less competent.
For the study, University of Zurich students interacted with
"partners" via email (the emails had really been generated by
the researchers).
In some emails, the partner mentioned that Roger Federer was
his friend and that they'd worked out together. In other emails,
the partner only mentioned that Federer was a friend.
In another set of emails, the partner mentioned that he or
she was a fan of Federer. And in some emails, the partner
didn't mention Federer at all.
Results showed that the stronger the supposed association
between the partner and Federer, the less participants
liked their partner. The researchers found that was largely
because participants felt their partners were manipulative.
Offering a weak handshake
Pressmaster/Shutterstock
Extend a limp noodle to a new acquaintance and you could
undermine the positive impression you're trying to make,
according to psychologist John D. Mayer writing onPsychology
A 2000 University of Alabama study found that people
could predict the personalities of undergraduates they
shook hands with. Specifically, the handshake raters intuited
that the students with firm handshakes were more positive,
\ more outgoing, and less socially anxious.
Meanwhile, a 2008 study published in the Journal of Applied
Psychology found that, in mock interviews, students who had
a firmer handshake at the beginning of the interview were
ultimately perceived as more hireable.
Acting like you don't like someone
Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon
called "reciprocity of liking": When we think someone likes us,
we tend to like them as well.
In a 1959 study published In Human Relations, for example,
participants were told that certain members of a group
discussion would probably like them. (These group members
were chosen randomly by the experimenter.) After the discussion,
participants indicated that the people they liked best were
the ones who supposedly liked them.
More recently, researchers at the University of Waterloo
and the University of Manitoba found that when we expect
people to accept us, we act warmer toward them — thereby
increasing the chances that they really will like us. So even
if you're not sure how a person you're interacting with feels
about you, act like you like them and they'll probably like you back.
If, on the other hand, you don't express fondness for the
person you're meeting, you could potentially turn them off.
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