Abandon your abusive marriages, police urge women

April 7, 2014 by Temitayo Famutimi 

   

 

The police say gender-based domestic violence has assumed an alarming dimension in recent times, and have therefore warned married women against attempting to endure such abusive relationships.

The law enforcement agency says cases of violence against women in which the victims end up with broken bones, miscarriages, permanent disability and sometimes death, of late, inundate its offices across the country.

Arising from these reports, the police have urged women not to accept spousal battery as a “family matter” that requires internal settlement.

The Force Police Public Relations Officer, Frank Mba, in a series of three posts on his blog, www.frankmba.com, notes that abuse in a relationship or marriage can wreck victims.

Put simply, the Chief Superintendent of Police advises women to “know how to handle such a situation or get out of it.”

Mba, who urges wives not to hesitate in reporting their violent husbands to the police, further encourages women to always insist that the police institute appropriate “legal actions” against their partners.

He adds, “Domestic violence or spouse battery is a criminal offence. Victims are encouraged to report such abuses and assault to the police. They must also insist on the police taking appropriate legal actions.

“It is not acceptable for policemen to turn down such complaints by categorising them as ‘family affairs’. Victims should feel free to report to senior police officers at the stations if they are not receiving appropriate attention.”

The police spokesperson notes that while he is not advocating divorce and separation in marriages, sometimes, it is good for victims to know when to say “goodbye” as some relationships “are just wrong and cannot be saved.”

“Abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. If you are hoping your abusive partner will change, the abuse will probably happen again.

“Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it is not quick or easy.

“If you are unhappy in your relationship, and all efforts to salvage the relationship have proved abortive, please leave. Your life is more important. Remember, marriage is for the living and not for the dead,” he argues.

Mba stresses that as women suffering from various forms of spousal battery are ruminating on whether to end the abusive relationship or try to save it, it is important for them to plan for emergencies.

Urging women to memorise police emergency contacts as well as easy escape routes from home, the image-maker enjoins victims to ensure that they seek assistance from non-governmental organisations that deal in women’s rights and domestic violence.

Seeking expert help, such as counselling and therapy, Mba adds, is imperative to help victims cope with the “abuse and post-abuse situations.”

The police spokesman notes, “The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you have been through can stay with you long after you have escaped the abusive situation. When bad things happen, it can take a while to get over the pain and feel safe again.

“But treatment and support from family and friends can speed up your recovery from emotional and psychological trauma. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and move on.”

He, however, explains that there is a way of stemming such domestic violence from the outset. For instance, to avoid battery, he urges unmarried women to be wary of those they fall in love with, particularly men who exhibit certain traits and social vices.

Mba advises unmarried women to avoid fiancés who drink, smoke as well as young men addicted to drugs and those with bad temper.

“Drunkenness, smoking and drug addiction fuel battery directly or indirectly, so ladies should stay off guys who are addicted to these social vices. Ladies should stop dating men who show traces of violence. This will save women from being victims of battery in marriage.

“It is better not to enter the relationship, especially when the lady has seen traces of violence in the man. You cannot afford to keep staying with a man that beats you always, one day, he may even kill you,” he counsells.