A love that's built to last is a rare thing.Unsplash/Priscilla Du Preez
Everybody likes to think that their relationship is ready to withstand the long haul. And while no one knows for sure what the future may hold, there are quite a few clues that can tell you if your partnership is built to last.
INSIDER spoke with relationship experts to find out some key traits that long-lasting relationships have.
You trust each other.
Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy partnership. With it, your relationship can thrive and withstand even the biggest challenges. Without it, you'll be ill-equipped to take on the really tough stuff.
"It is difficult to be vulnerable and share problems with others," therapist Kimberly Hershenson told INSIDER. "When a partner is able to open up to you, it is important to not break their trust."
This trust means that not only do you avoid blabbing about their childhood secrets when you've had one too many glasses of red wine, but also that you can trust each other not to let the other down.
You have similar goals.
Sometimes a relationship's success isn't determined just by how much work each partner puts in or their personalities. Sometimes it's all up to chance.
If you and your partner have similar goals that would take you to similar places, that is a big factor in determining if you're in it for the long haul, therapist Jim Seibold told INSIDER.
This is a good reminder than you should be having frequent chats about what you want out of the relationship, and life, in regards to kids, marriage, jobs, and location.
You're keeping up your physical intimacy.
It probably goes without saying that being unhappy with your sex life can be a strain on your relationship and could even cause a split. But physical intimacy comes in many forms, all of which are important.
Even if you're not getting it on every single night, showing even the slightest form of physical affection can keep the relationship strong.
"You physically touch each other," Hershenson said. "Whether it's a kiss hello or goodbye, snuggling on the couch, or holding hands. Even non-sexual touching builds connection between partners."
You know how to communicate in a healthy way.
If you're committed to anyone for an extended period of time, you'll
start to develop your own way of communicating and talking through
things.
If you and your partner are made for the long haul, not only will you
have a specialized way of hashing things out, you'll have both thought through the way you're talking to each and made it a priority to speak
to each other with care.
"Many individuals find themselves in relationships where they have
'fun together,' but are unable to openly communicate their feelings,
desires and wishes," marriage coach Eric Hunt told INSIDER. "Often
this leads to further issues in the relationship and is usually the root
cause of most major disputes. Couples who are able to effectively communicate are able to better understand one another and experience greater intimacy."
You can both admit when you're wrong.
For some people, the pain of admitting that they were wrong in an argument is akin to stepping on a Lego or biting into tinfoil. It's rough.
But those in a healthy partnership will take a blow to their pride if it means ending an argument or letting their partner know that they are sorry, Hershenson said. If you and your partner seem to do this equally, and move on quickly, your relationship is built to last.
You feel the most yourself with them.
If you've been with your partner past the honeymoon stage, you should be holding little back from them.
Of course we all want to protect our partners from some of our weirder thoughts and impulses, but if you truly feel comfortable to be yourself around them, then that's an important trait of a healthy partnership.
"You can't put on an act forever; if you aren't being true to yourself now then ultimately your relationship won't work out," dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta told INSIDER. "Your partner needs to love you for you, not for some false version of you."
You don't look over red flags.
Having a long-term partnership means dealing with every aspect of that person. If you find yourself wanting to fix some major things about your significant other, then you're probably not meant to last the test of time.
But if there are no major red flags and you can love them without reservation, you may have something real.
"You find yourself not having to overlook red flags bothersome personality or behavioral quirks that you 'hope' will change with time once he or she 'sees the light' (they never do) then it's a very good sign," performance coach and spirituality teacher John McGrail told INSIDER.
You've supported each other in tough times.
Life doesn't stop when you get into a relationship with someone, so you two are bound to face tough situations.
If your partner was able to support you during a time of great distress, it's proof that they'll do it again — and that's a very good sign of how deep your love runs.
"If both partners are able to endure an illness, money difficulties, family issues, or a life-changing experience that has caused great stress, and the support they are able to give one another is a lasting memory that can bare the fullness of time," relationship therapist Janet Zin told INSIDER.
You still like them when you're angry.
Anger makes emotions run high, but even if when you're boiling with rage, you feel yourself drawn to and loving towards your partner, your relationship has some serious staying power.
This doesn't have to happen during and after every argument, but you'll know this is true if you find yourself yearning to talk to and be with them after a fight.
"For example, you just had an argument and you ask him to get you some ice cream. If he is onboard to move on, that is a great sign," therapist, and relationship expert Kia James told INSIDER.
You have a healthy competition.
You and your partner should be challenging each other to be the best versions of yourself. A healthy partnership includes two people who encourage and push each other to achieve their goals.
This does not mean that you're both competitive for competition's sake, but if you find your partner is holding you to all of the things you said you would do and helping you achieve them, it's a recipe for success.
"You bring a set of skills and attributes to the relationship. Your significant other brings theirs. Don't settle," psychologist and associate professor of public health at The University of Alabama at Birmingham Josh Klapow told INSIDER.
"The advantage? You both push each other to be better over time. You remain independent but you never settle," he continued.
You laugh often.
A partnership is serious business, but a healthy one should also include lots of laughing.
Life is short, but if you want a long partnership, you should both be able to laugh off the little things and joke around with each other. Having lots of good and light times together can make the bad times a little easier.
"When couples laugh together, they build the type of good will that helps them to withstand times of adversity," Seibold said.
You don't hold grudges once you're done fighting.
Long-term partnerships mean, unfortunately, a good amount of fights are inevitable. It's actually the sign of a good partnership if you do fight, several experts told INSIDER.
But the key to having a long-lasting partnership is letting the fights go when you're done, said James. If you and your partner let things go easily when your fight is resolved — and resist the urge to bring that up again the next time you're angry — it's a good sign that you are both committed to having a healthy partnership.
You know what your partner needs and you respect it.
By a certain point in your relationship, you should know what your partner needs from you.
Everyone has a different way of expressing love, and everyone needs to experience love in different ways. If you know how your partner needs to feel your love and care without having to ask, that's the sign of a great and long-lasting partnership.
"We do not all experience love and respect the same way," Seibold said. "When we understand our partner's needs, we will be more effective at communicating love and commitment in a way they recognize."
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