1. Establish your own private home:
"Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24.
Answer: God's
rule is specific. A married couple must leave father and mother and
establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room
apartment. Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as
these. Then she should inform her relatives and he, his. They must
remain firm no matter who opposes. Thousands of divorces would be
avoided if this rule were carefully followed.
2. Continue your courtship:
"Above
all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a
multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8, RSV.* "Her husband ... praiseth her."
Proverbs 31:28. "She that is married careth ... how she may please her
husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34. "Be kindly affectioned one to another ...
in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.
Answer:
Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married
life. Successful marriages do not just happen they must be developed.
Don't take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will
destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one
another or it will die, and you will drift apart. Love and happiness are
not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to
others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you
would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax,
visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Don't overlook the little
courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other
with little gifts or favors. Try to "outlove" each other. Don't take
more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the
greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a
chance, love always wins.
3. Remember that God joined you together in marriage:
"For
this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his
wife. ... Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew
19:5, 6.
Answer: Has love almost disappeared from your home?
The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this. Don't
forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends
for you to stay together and be happy. He will bring happiness and love
into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments). "With
God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26. Don't despair. God, who
places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can
easily give you love for each other if you will let Him.
4. Guard your thoughts--don't let your senses trap you:
"For
as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7. "Thou shalt not
covet thy neighbour's wife." Exodus 20:17. "Keep thy heart with all
diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23.
"Whatsoever things are true, ... honest, ... just, ... pure, ... lovely,
... of good report; ... think on these things." Philippians 4:8.
Answer:
The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage. The devil will
trap you with thoughts like these: "Our marriage was a mistake." "She
doesn't understand me." "I can't take much more of this." "We can always
divorce if necessary." "I'll go home to mother." "He smiled at that
woman." Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone,
because your thoughts and senses govern your actions. Avoid seeing,
saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone
who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness. Thoughts uncontrolled are like
an automobile in neutral on a hill. Anything can happen, and the result
is always disaster.
5. Never retire for the night angry with each other:
"Let
not the sun go down upon your wrath." Ephesians 4:26. "Confess your
faults one to another." James 5:16. "Forgetting those things which are
behind." Philippians 3:13. "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
Ephesians 4:32.
Answer: To remain angry and upset over hurts
and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous. Unless quickly
solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and
attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. This is why
God says to let anger cool before retiring at night. Be big enough to
forgive and to say with sincerity, "I'm sorry." After all, no one is
perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough
to honestly admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a
very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners
closer together. God suggests it! It works!
6. Keep Christ in the center of your home:
"Except
the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it." Psalms
127:1. "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Proverbs 3:6. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding,
shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7.
Answer:
This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. Put
Christ first! The real secret of true happiness in the home is not
diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but
rather, union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ's love can never be
very far apart. With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful.
The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred,
bitterness, and disappointment. It prevents thousands of divorces by
miraculously restoring love and happiness. It will save your marriage,
too, if you are willing.
7. Pray together:
"Pray, that ye
enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh
is weak." Matthew 26:41. "Pray one for another." James 5:16. "If any of
you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally."
James 1:5.
Answer: Pray aloud for each other! This is a
wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream. Kneel before God
and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for
strength, for wisdom--for the solution to problems. God has given a
personal guarantee that He will answer. The praying person is not
automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that
wants to do right. No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying
together for God's help.
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8. Agree that divorce is not the answer:
What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew
19:6. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication,
and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her
which is put away doth commit adultery." Matthew 19:9. "The woman which
hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he
liveth." Romans 7:2.
Answer: The Bible is clear. The ties of
marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible. Divorce is
permissible only in the case of adultery. But even then it is not
demanded, only permitted. Forgiveness is always better than divorce,
even in the case of a moral fall. Marriage is for life. God so ordained
it when He performed the first wedding in Eden. Thoughts of divorce as a
solution will destroy any marriage. This is one reason Jesus ruled it
out. Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the
problem. Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never
be considered. Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost
inevitably follow divorce, and even success in life itself is often
thwarted. God instituted marriage to guard people's purity and
happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to elevate their
physical, mental, and moral nature. Its vows are among the most solemn
and binding obligations that human beings can assume. To lightly set
them aside results in removing one's self from God's favor and blessing.
9. Keep the family circle closed tightly.
"Thou
shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14. "The heart of her husband
doth safely trust in her. ... She will do him good and not evil all the
days of her life." Proverbs 31:11, 12. "The Lord hath been witness
between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt
treacherously." Malachi 2:14. "Keep thee from the evil woman. ... Lust
not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her
eyelids. ... Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be
burned? ... So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever
toucheth her shall not be innocent." Proverbs 6:24-29.
Answer:
Family intimacies must never be shared with others--not even with
parents. It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule. A
third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the
devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife. Solve your home
problems privately. No one else (except your minister or marriage
counselor) should ever be involved. Always be truthful with each other,
and never keep secrets from each other. Tell no jokes at the expense of
your spouse's feelings. Vigorously defend each other, and strictly
exclude all intruders. And as for adultery (in spite of what some
marriage counselors say), it always hurts you and everyone else
involved. God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and
knows what helps or hurts us) says, "Thou shalt not." And when He says,
"Don't," we had better not. Those who ignore His rule will pay the
supreme penalty. So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once,
or shadows may settle over your life that cannot be lifted.
10. God describes love make it your daily goal to measure up:
"Love
is forbearing and kind. Love knows no jealousy. Love does not brag is
not conceited. She is not unmannerly, nor selfish, nor irritable, nor
mindful of wrongs. She does not rejoice in injustice, but joyfully sides
with the truth. She can overlook faults. She is full of trust, full of
hope, full of endurance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth.*
Answer:
Please reread the above Scripture passage carefully. This is God's
true description of love. How do you measure up? Love is not a
sentimental impulse, but a holy principle that involves every phase and
action of life. With true love, your marriage cannot fail. Without it,
it cannot succeed.
11. Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.
"Husbands,
love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:19. "It
is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an
angry woman." Proverbs 21:19. "A continual dropping in a very rainy day
and a contentious woman are alike." Proverbs 27:15. "Why beholdest thou
the mote [splinter] that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not
the beam [whole board] that is in thine own eye?" Matthew 7:3. "Love ...
looks for a way of being constructive." 1 Corinthians 13:4, Phillips.*
Answer:
Stop criticizing, nagging, and faultfinding. Your husband or wife may
lack much, but nagging won't help. Don't expect perfection, or
bitterness will result. Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things.
Don't try to reform, control, or compel your partner you will destroy
love. Only God can change people. A sense of humor, a cheerful heart,
kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your
marriage problems. Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and
the good will take care of itself. The secret of a successful marriage
lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right
partner.
12. Do not overdo in anything be temperate.
"Every
man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things." 1
Corinthians 9:25. "Love ... does not pursue selfish advantage." 1
Corinthians 13:5, Phillips.* "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or
whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31. "I
keep under my body, and bring it into subjection." 1 Corinthians 9:27.
"If any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10.
"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled." Hebrews 13:4.
"Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it
in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of
unrighteousness unto sin." Romans 6:12, 13.
Answer: Overdoing
will ruin your marriage. So will underdoing. Work, love, rest, exercise,
play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in
your marriage, or something will snap. Overwork and the lack of sleep,
proper food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and
negative. Constant overeating is a great evil that strengthens the lower
nature and dulls the conscience.
intimate abuses destroy a love
for holy things and weaken vitality. Marriage gives no license to
intimate excesses. Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy
love and respect for one another. A temperate sex life is recommended by
the Bible (1 Corinthians 7:3-7). Social contacts with others are
absolutely essential. True happiness cannot be found in isolation. We
must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times. To be overly
serious is dangerous. Overdoing or underdoing in anything weakens the
mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another.
Don't let intemperance wreck your marriage.
13. Respect each other's personal rights and privacies.
"Love
is forbearing. ... Love knows no jealousy. ... She is not unmannerly,
nor selfish. ... She does not rejoice in injustice. ... She is full of
trust." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth.* "Be kindly affectioned one to
another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." Romans
12:10.
Answer: Each spouse has a God-given right to certain
personal privacies without explanation. Do not tamper with each other's
wallets or purses, personal mail, and other private property unless
given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied
should be respected. Your husband or wife even has a right to be wrong
part of the time and is entitled to an "off-day" without being given the
third degree. Marriage partners do not own each other and should never
try to force personality changes. Only God can make such changes, and we
shall all answer personally to Him on this matter (Romans 14:12).
Perfect confidence and trust in one another, no checking up on each
other, is absolutely essential for happiness. Spend less time trying to
"figure out" your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This
works wonders.
14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.
"In
like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel." 1
Timothy 2:9. "She ... works with willing hands." "She rises while it is
yet night and provides food for her household." "She looks well to the
ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs
31:13, 15, 27, RSV.* "Be ye clean." Isaiah 52:11. "Let all things be
done decently and in order." 1 Corinthians 14:40. "If any provide not
... for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse
than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8. "Be not slothful." Hebrews 6:12.
Answer:
Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil's weapons to
destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your
marriage. Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are
essential for both husband and wife. The meals should be wholesome,
attractive, and served on time. The home should be clean and orderly,
because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all. A lazy,
shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to
his family and an insult to God. Carelessness in some of these seemingly
small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.
15. Determine to speak softly and kindly.
"A
soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
Proverbs 15:1. "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest."
Ecclesiastes 9:9. "When I became a man, I put away childish things." 1
Corinthians 13:11.
Answer: Force yourself to speak softly and
kindly to your spouse. Silence, when one is attacked, is often the best
method to cool wrath. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged
are unreliable anyway, so it's best to relax and let anger cool. And
when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry
words crush your spouse's desire to please you.
16. Be reasonable in money matters.
"It
[love] is not possessive. ... Love has good manners and does not pursue
selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips.* "God loveth a
cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7.
Answer: All possessions and
income in marriage should be "ours," not "yours" and "mine." Wives who
don't work outside the home should receive a regular amount for
groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items. It should be cheerfully
provided instead of grudgingly released under protest. Wife and husband
both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as
desired without giving account. A miserly husband usually angers his
wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife
stingy. Showing confidence in your companion's managing ability will
usually make him or her more businesslike.
17. Talk things over and counsel together freely.
"It
[love] is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas
of its own importance. ... It is not touchy." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5,
Phillips.* "He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul."
Proverbs 15:32. "Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more
hope of a fool than of him." Proverbs 26:12.
Answer: Few
things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on
all major decisions. Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile,
a boat, furniture, clothing (major items at least), and all other items
that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of
both should be considered. Talking things over together will avoid many
blunders that could ruin your marriage. If, after much discussion and
earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her
husband's decision. Scripture is clear on this. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.)
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In Nigeria, the site has become the destination online for some of the
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like the controversial NGF election and the Rivers Assembly fracas just
to mention a few. If you missed a TV show it’s very likely you could
get it online as shows like Nigerian Idol have chosen to post past
editions online. More interesting to many are the hottest music videos
by our booming music industry.
Osita Iheme, popularly known as Paw Paw, a Nollywood actor opens up on his favourite gadget and why he made tab his choice.
